Progress over Perfection
Better Late than Never
My Wife and I have had relatively heavy work schedules lately, which makes it hard to carve out time to write.
By the time work, kid and house stuff is done, there is little time and I have little energy left to attempt writing anything of substance. I have been tempted not to write at all, but that would violate the promise I made to myself to write weekly for one year.
So here I am, late for the second week in a row, writing. I have to accept that until my writing “mission” truly crystallizes, it is especially important that I write anything consistently rather than nothing.
That does victimize you, dear reader, since you are dragged along with me while I sound things out. Please accept some of my latest musings from my journal as compensation.
“Life will continue to sadden you unless you start taking great pains to make it into what you want.”
I have lived away from my childhood home for nearly 15 years now.
As life becomes more complex for my parents, siblings, friends and cousins, all with their own families and responsibilities, not to mention the geographic distance between all of us, it makes recreating the luxury of my childhood, when we were all in close proximity and could see each other regularly, a rarity. Unfortunately, the obvious solution of visiting home is more difficult than I would like. Traveling with an infant greater than 6 hours is no small feat. Carving time out of a two physician schedule is complicated. This doesn’t even include coordinating with other parties and their own logistical requirements.
Every once in a while I feel sad thinking about this. I remember what it was like to be literally surrounded by family - a revolving door of people who loved you constantly coming and going. There was always something fun and interesting going on or coming soon. It was a truly special way to grow up. Living far away from that bustling network of loving humans and for so long almost feels like grieving after a death.
I really like what Alex Hormozi says about sadness, though, because by his definition you can operationalize an approach out of it, to sublimate it. To him, sadness stems from a lack of options. The antidote then, is to educate yourself such that more options become available to you. This is motivating because educating yourself is certainly within your control, which means with enough effort, you can learn your way out of your problem.
It looks I have some work ahead of me, then! These beloved people are still out there. I just have to be creative and learn how to bridge the gaps between us.
“Had a moment of clarity with [the baby] on the porch this morning while we drank coffee. When she thinks/observes, you can tell because she coos. We decided that my primary purpose in life, at least right now, is to bring good children into the world and raise them to do good. The world could use more light. Our three kids are demonstrably good. [My Wife] and I will work enough to support that mission above all else. Thanks, [baby!] xoxo”
Everything else is bullshit.
In previous lives I was obsessed about seeking administrative titles and additional subspecialty training. Or starting a business. Or getting into BRRRR real estate. I dive deep into these rabbit holes until I get stuck and my Wife has to pull me out.
One of my good friends and mentors suggested to me once, specifically regarding work, is that it can becomes a chain if you let it. What initially appears as an “opportunity” can quickly take over more and more of your life. I have come to believe that you are chained to whatever it is that you attend to. If you are not careful, that can be a dangerous prospect if what siphons your attention is not in alignment with your values. So choose carefully.
With time I have gotten better at prioritizing that which I truly value. At the cost of going down innumerable such rabbit holes, it turns out it’s never been the money, the status or the next consumer item that resonate in my soul. In the moment these siren songs may have seemed important. But each time I have stepped back from them I remembered that what truly matters to me is tending to my little family in my corner of the world. To provide for them. Not simply materially or financially, as I have believed for so long. But rather, to set conditions such that, free from the chains of get rich quick schemes, additional training, social media, gorging on the latest news and all of their downsides, I can be physically and mentally with them. Present.
Ten minutes ago I just sobbed my way through a 40 second montage my Wife made of our baby daughter’s first seven months. She is changing at light speed and my brain cannot memorize her fast enough. Just when I think I can grasp who she is I realize it is her afterimage.
I cannot afford to be distracted by things that don’t matter.
